Why am I so lonely? How do I change it?
Loneliness, in today’s fast-paced world, has become an all-too-common companion. Scholars suggest that loneliness has reached epidemic levels, and it’s easy to understand why. We live in a world driven by technology, workaholism, and a growing sense of isolation. At its core, humans are hardwired for connection. When that connection is lacking, we feel it deeply, both mentally and physically. So, how do we address it?
In this blog, I want to explore why we feel lonely and what we can do about it. From the importance of friendships and everyday connections to the secrets we keep that separate us from others, let's dive into understanding and overcoming loneliness.
The Difference Between Loneliness and Isolation
Loneliness and isolation are often confused, but they are different. Isolation is usually a choice—we choose to spend time alone, whether to hike, read a book, or enjoy a peaceful moment. On the other hand, loneliness is a feeling of disconnection, a sense that we are alone even when surrounded by others. You can feel lonely in a crowded room, in a relationship, or at work. It’s about the lack of deep, meaningful connections, not physical isolation.
Why Do We Feel Lonely?
One major factor in loneliness is the inability to cultivate friendships. We can feel out of place like no one around us shares our values or interests. This was true for me when I lived in a neighborhood where everyone had a different worldview, and finding common ground seemed impossible. Joining groups, participating in community activities, or finding a tribe of like-minded people can help combat this feeling of loneliness.
Keeping secrets can also create distance. Secrets, especially those born out of shame or guilt, separate us from others. They prevent vulnerability, a key element of deep, meaningful relationships. When we open up and share our true selves, we allow others to see us fully, fostering acceptance and deeper connections.
Everyday Interactions and the Power of Community
Sometimes, it’s the small interactions that matter. Smiling at your neighbor, saying hello to the barista, or chatting with someone at the gym can create a sense of connection. These brief exchanges may seem insignificant, but they help build a sense of belonging to your community. It’s not just about having close friends; it’s about feeling connected to the people around you, even in casual encounters.
The digital world also plays a huge role in our disconnection. With social media and endless entertainment at our fingertips, we often spend more time on our screens than with the people around us. It’s easy to fall into the habit of scrolling on your phone instead of engaging with the world. Try setting aside no-screen time during meals or walks, and focus on being present with the people around you.
Friendships Require Effort
In today’s fast-paced world, we’ve drifted into a friendship recession. Relationships have become transactional—something to do, rather than people to confide in. We need to foster deeper connections and invest time into friendships without an agenda. Vulnerability and openness are necessary to build friendships that last and provide the kind of emotional support we all need.
Why Are Connections So Important?
Friendships and relationships offer us things we can’t find on our own: validation, belonging, meaning, compassion, and emotional support. They improve both our mental and physical health. Studies show that people with strong social bonds live longer and have better overall well-being. Investing in relationships is one of the best ways to fight the negative effects of loneliness, which can be as harmful to our health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day.
Taking the First Steps to Overcome Loneliness
So, what can you do today to start feeling less lonely? Start small. Smile at someone. Make eye contact. Strike up a conversation. Be vulnerable. Admit that you need a connection and take active steps to build it. Friendships take time, effort, and openness, but the rewards are immeasurable.
If you’re feeling stuck, try journaling with the prompts provided in this post. Explore why you feel lonely and what you can do differently to build deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Remember, you’re not alone in this—reach out, and together, we can overcome loneliness.
For more insights, check out my website and podcast, where I explore these topics more deeply. Stay connected!
Podcast on Loneliness: Listen on SpotifyWebsite: Juliana Bruno
Juliana Bruno
Juliana J. Bruno (aka Juliana Jay) is a wellness professional and content creator; they currently host the I Care About You Podcast, which focuses on helping people discover their true selves and live more fulfilling lives. She is the author of, Reasons to Live: An Interactive Guide to Healing and Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts and How to Help Others Survive (Self Love Workbook for Suicide Ideation, Depression Prompts). After graduating from UC Santa Cruz with a degree in Molecular Cellular and Developmental Biology and going on to study Educational Psychology at Northridge, Juliana went on to leadership positions in the nonprofit and educational/ university environments. Throughout their career, Juliana has used their knowledge and talent as a Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Transformational Coach to create better working conditions for staff and to mentor and coach people toward their goals and authentic selves.
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